I am an 18-year-old guy and have some major issues with my teeth, skin and nose. I have an overbite, crooked, discoloured, twisted, uneven and gapped teeth. My skin is covered with acne, scars and lines and wrinkles (brought on from stress) and my nose sticks to the right, has a wide tip, flares up like a pig and has a hump.

I’ve tried committing suicide three times now due to the way I look. I’m obviously a very mentally unwell young man but I NEED the problems addressed. I see some kind of professional in three days time and don’t know what to expect. I will tell him/her that it’s my physical appearance that ruins my life. That’s the whole reason for me trying to kill myself – because I believe I’m the ugliest, most disgusting and worthless human being in the world. It really affects my life – I don’t go out, I have a big problem with food as a way of dealing with my emotions, I cry, I shout, I scream, I swear, I punch things – all I want is to change the way I look and can’t see a future with me in it for very much longer.

The very reason for me writing this is because I really studied my face in the mirror earlier and I wanted to kill myself straight away. But I didn’t. Do you know why? Because I’ve seen how much it hurt my parents the last time I tried to kill myself and I wouldn’t want to survive another suicide attempt to see them being hurt all over again.

What I’m currently doing is trying to grow my hair really long. Like to the point where it’s just above my eyebrows. Obviously I want to have it properly styled because I have such a deformed head structure that not having it styled would make it look just so pathetic. I’m also in the process of getting composite veneers by a cosmetic dentist but he’s not going to be able to work magic on my already fucked-up (excuse the foul language) teeth. I need some kind of orthodontic work done – but I don’t want braces. Give me good old surgery any day of the week. I’m also having microdermabrasion sessions at a clinic in my town but because I put so many skin care products on my face, I’m messing everything up.

Sorry for going on and on but I just felt the need to give you my perspective

I was told i suffered from bdd aged 16,but I am now 19 and am in the process of recieving a written diagnosis as I have told by specialists they believe i have bdd, but it’s never been offically put down. I have been to in and out unit’s had cbt and talking therapy, have tried citalopram and paroxetine which had no affect and I am currently taking Venlalic which does little either.

After 4 years with what is believed to be Bdd I had to come up with my own way of coping/surviving as i had bad experiences with psychologists and there wasn’t anythiong else anyone could do, I was told which made me feel like giving up on life all together.

I found that colour lenses have actually saved my life as pathetic as it sound’s as my bdd revolves around the hatered of my eyes. The only way i can explain it is, it’s very similar to an individual suffering from gender dysphoria, They do not want therapy to tell them why they cannot change sex, they need a therapist who will talk to them make sure this is whta they want and help them acheive it, as it’s to distressing for them to stay as they are. This is how I feel about my eye’s. If i could do this on my own and make my own lenses i would but i’m not an ocularist.

I really need the nhs’s help and gp’s as I don’t want to stay like this anymore i have found my solution and i just want to move on and work hard follow my dreams, I don’t want to be stuck and worried 24/7 anymore.
I feel it’s serious as if i didn’t have the lenses i do at the moment i wouldn’t want to live without them because of how bad thing’s are and i have said that if i couldn’t commit suicide, i’d resort to blinding myself so i didn’t have to see what I hate, but it can be prevented so that never has to happen.

I know this may sound insane but i know i am not i have goals and things i’d love to do in life, i have a disorder and this my coping method.